I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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