I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
