we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sext me about skeletons
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
