it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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