What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
