You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
