Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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