Do you still have your period?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
