dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
