i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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