I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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