Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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