dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
