When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
