return my video game
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
