This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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