Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
