I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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