dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
