Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
