It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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