yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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