he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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