I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
