Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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