Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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