Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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