So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
