do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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