I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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