god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
