Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you didnt know i had herpes?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
