the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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