My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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