Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
