Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
