I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
