cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
