Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
