i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
