We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
