gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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