i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
