Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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