There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
