At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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