My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
