And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
