brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
