my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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