I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
