If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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